The popular notion goes: Love is a feeling. You fall into love. You fall out of love. Cupid shoots you in the butt, and then love disappears just as quickly… And when it goes, when you don’t feel it anymore, you move on to the next person that makes you feel it again.
As is so often true in this life, the popular notion is… Really, really wrong. The feeling that we call being “in love” would be better described as romance or infatuation… Or lust.
Real love has little to do with feeling one way or another. Love is an action. A commitment. A choice. It’s about sticking by your spouse, until death do you part, because you gave your word that that’s exactly what you would do…
It’s about standing side-by-side together, even when —especially when — life gets really hard and you don’t feel like it.
And that, my friend, has darn little to do with romance, infatuation, sexual desire, or any of those happy feelings you and I associate with “being in love”.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
The End.
… Just kidding. Let’s continue:
Ask any couple that has been married for a long time, and still has that spark, how they did it. Guaranteed, you will not hear them say: “I got lucky and married the right person, and they never ever do anything that makes me mad, and they do whatever I ask, and I always feel happy…”
THAT… Does. Not. Exist. Yet it seems to be what so many people are looking for. The real answer you’re more likely to get from couples who have stood the test of time, and “fallen more in love” in the process, usually sounds more like:
“Marriage is hard work… But it’s worth it.”
“She/he does so much for me, I just try to serve her/him the best that I can.”
“Even when I don’t feel in love, I just keep trying to love him as if I did. Those wonderful romance feelings do come back. But you can’t wait around for the feelings to show up. Love doesn’t work that way. You choose to love first. You love the other person in your words and actions second. And then the romance feelings of love come naturally. Feelings follow action… Not the other way around.”
Love is not romance. Romance is not love. But you can’t have a deeply satisfying marriage without both. They’re two sides of the same coin.
They call that a paradox.
Are you still with me on this? You are? Good. Then I’m going to give you
The worst advice any jeweler could ever give a potential Valentine’s Day customer:
If you haven’t been loving to your spouse well… If you’ve been sitting on your hands, stubbornly waiting around for the feelings to come back… And then you’re going to half-heartedly give your spouse a Valentine’s Day gift just so it doesn’t start another fight, and you’re hoping to weakly squeak by for one more year…
Do not come to our store this Valentine’s Day.
Jewelry and flowers and chocolates and fancy dinners given once a year aren’t going to fill the void left in a relationship by someone who doesn’t choose to love the other person in their words and actions every day. It’s like an expensive chandelier on a sinking ship, it’s all going down anyway.
The best thing you can do this Valentine’s Day is sit down with your spouse, and say:
“I was wrong. I was selfish. I’m sorry. I love you now, but I want to love you better. I want to do the work for us to be more in love this year than we have ever been before. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m all in.”
But for those who love each other well, and want to celebrate, romance is the joy and reward of loving your spouse. Jewelry and flowers and nice dinners can be deeply enjoyed together, knowing that it’s an outward symbol of an authentic inward love.
And you should celebrate…
That’s why Garcia & Co. Jewelers exists. To help you experience greater joy in your marriage through the gift of fine jewelry, celebrating your hard-earned love. If that’s you, first of all, my hat’s off to you. It’s not easy. And secondly, come see us. We have diamond jewelry for all budgets, perfect for the occasion.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
~Mark